Earlier this week, the editorial overlords at The Wall Street Journal took a break from their busy schedule of amplifying chauvinistic douchebags and questioning whether there are “too many Asians” in the world to offer yet another uncritical embrace of capitalism, embodying every 2000s teen movie villain by telling their readers to just not eat. 


On Tuesday, February 14, the financial publication uploaded an article entitled “To Save Money, Maybe You Should Skip Breakfast,” a piece that, per its title, denounces the day’s most important meal rather than predatory price gaug- sorry, natural, wholly blameless inflation.


Detailing the high prices that have sparked fan cams of chickens in their rich girl eras — did ya’ll know that the price of eggs have increased by 70.1% over the last year? – as well as the rising prices of juice and breakfast cereal the short piece ends with a call for the world to embody every Ulta-stressed New Yorker: Exist solely on caffeine. 



“Breakfast lovers might be better off just having a cup of coffee—but go with roasted, not instant,” national economics reporter Regina George Gabriel T. Rubin concluded the piece. “Prices for roasted coffee declined by 0.1% last month, but instant coffee rose by a 3.6% monthly increase for instant coffee.”




Naturally, the people of Twitter were less-than-enthused by this plea, which definitely has no chance of being sponsored by Big Coffee™, talking to Twitter to call the WSJ on their bullshit, call them on their bullshit, and call them on their bullshit again.